She isn't doing anything, if anything it's me apparently.
If only you knew what Kyle did / is doing to her. I won't say anything else about it because it really isn't my business to bring that up.
You know, I'm really tired of being treated as if I am some kind of monster. I told you, and will continue to tell you, yes I made mistakes. I made terrible mistakes. I did stupid things. I continue to do stupid things and I probably will do stupid things in the future, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Stop trying to define me by the poor decisions I've made in my life.
The things I did to Joice during our relationship, as horrible as they were, is something that she has said she has forgiven me for. Now, while I don't think she has truly forgiven me, that's something she needs to deal with herself on a personal level. As for me? I struggle enough as it is to forgive myself for the things I did during that time, but I have to try, or I'll never be able to live again. I have to remember the good things I did for her, of which there was a lot. There was a lot of good in that relationship. She may be too bitter to tell you anything but the negatives now, but trust me, it wasn't all as bad as it's been made out to be.
As for what I continue to "do to her", all I've done is cried about it. I haven't done what some ex boyfriends would do. I haven't bombarded her with love notes, I haven't sent her random shit in the mail like flowers and chocolates, I haven't truly stalked her (it's the fucking internet). All I've done that has been so wrong, has been letting her read my personal journal entries where I say I wish I could have another chance with her. She gets offended by this, because apparently the simple thought of being with me again makes her projectile vomit. Yes, I could make the entries only readable by me, but what does that say about her when she can't keep her nose out of my business?
I will NOT let you two bring me down. I will not. You two are vindictive, mean people. You hold grudges and seem to have just as much trouble getting over shit as I do. Except you know what I can do that neither of you can? I can forgive.
This is the last thing I'm saying on this topic. You can prance around Outsid all you'd like Austin, but I'm not associating with you further than this.
By the way, my liveJournal wouldn't give live updates to her unless she had me listed as a friend, which she doesn't. She voluntarily goes to my site specifically, each and every time. I am pretty sure of this.
Anyway, I want to stop the bickering too, but I will not stand by and let my name be dragged through the mud. That's why I've been so active today, despite my video I gave to her yesterday. It wasn't a lie, I just had to defend myself here, again. Nevertheless, I have no problems leaving the two of you alone, if you'll just grant me the same peace.